On November 5th I took my SAT, and oh boy, what an epic fail it was. I prepared for it for three months, never in my life was I so devoted. I wanted to get into a nice uni in US to pursue my favourite subject, Astronomy that is. Here in my country we don’t get such diverse options for bachelors. So SAT was something I was counting on as a chance to venture out and pursue my dreams.
When the test day arrived I was confident that I will perform well. And the after the moment I was done with my reading section, I started feeling miserable, feeling hopeless but I didn’t give up. I went on trying to do my best. But as soon as I finished the whole test tears were brimming in my eyes. I knew that I completely effed up my test.
And now that I look back it was when I started losing all my confidence and from that point on it went down hill. I felt so miserable. I just thought that I was too stupid. I kept degrading myself that I was nothing and could never achieve anything I wanted.
But I never tried to understand why I failed. Was it because I was stupid? No it was because I was not able to manage my time.
Why did I fail to manage my time in the reading section? I just can’t skim through paragraphs (no matter how much I try), it never gives me the satisfaction when I skim through paragraph and well SAT you have to skim effectively to complete the section on time. And in math you are supposed to just move on if you don’t get a sum but me being the idiot I am I failed to keep track of my time and just did not give up on the annoying math problem.
So that was the reason I failed to get my desired score on SAT and not because I was stupid.Also there are some positive aspects to my reasons that made me fail in my SAT. My inability to skim suggests that I am a thorough reader and hey thorough reading is never ever bad in science field, in fact a very through reading is much preferred than skimming. And my inability to give up in math suggests that I don’t give up easily when faced with a tough problem.
Finally I accepted my failure and understood why I failed.
And the most important thing to realize is life is a journey of ups and downs. When you accept your ups also accept your downs. Understand your reason for failures, learn from them and just move on.
I neither tried to understand the reason I failed nor did I move on and in the past 3 months I slipped into depression and self doubt.
And now it so hard to cope up.